I’ve been fairly relaxed since we found out the amnio results back in June and had a clear anatomy scan in July. But this week, anxiety is creeping back in. Ok, not creeping. It’s totally back. My last MFM appointment was 3 weeks ago. I’ve been going every 3 weeks so I “should” be going in today except my doctor is out. So my appointment is Friday. Yes, it’s is only 3 days later but those 3 days are killing me right now. I’ve been monitoring the scale vigilantly. I don’t “want” to gain a ton of weight with this pregnancy since I already gained a lot during inferility treatments. I’m up about 23 pounds. I lost weight first trimester and then have been gaining at least a pound a week since the summer. Well, I’m “only” up 2 pounds in the last 3 weeks. Combine that fact with the fact that I cannot feel Twin B move, I’m freaking out. In my IF mind, I can’t feel her because she’s not growing. My last ultrasound was mid-July at the anatomy scan. It was done a few days shy of 21 weeks. Both babies were just short of a pound each. I have 2 anterior placentas which make it harder to feel the babies’ movement. I didn’t feel anything until at least 24 weeks. But I feel Tein A on my left all the time. I’ve never felt Twin B so “not” feeling her isn’t abnormal but combined with only 2 lbs, my mind is going to bad places. I have no idea what her position is since there’s been no ultrasound. She was transverse back in July which me as nothing for where she is now..
At my last appointment, I was told we’d start weekly growth ultrasounds at week 32 because that’s when twins show growth discordance. My actual appointment is October 6, which is a few days short of 32 weeks. But it’s still 2 weeks away!! That’s basically 12 weeks with no ultrasound!!! It doesn’t seem typical from talking to other mamas. My MFM is no nonsense. I’ve mentioned that before. He likes to tell me no. My DH thinks it’s good for me because I’m not used to being told no with this stuff since I like to pretend I’m a doctor… But for a fragile infertility survivor, a little extra hand holding would be nice.. I’m not getting that at all.
Has anyone seen the Lifetime movie “Return to Zero”? It was on the other night. I didn’t watch it but only because DH would have been furious at me and second, shhh…. I’ve already seen it… Maybe just seeing that it was on is why this anxiety is creeping back in? If you don’t know the story, it’s a late term stillbirth movie with Minnie Driver. Awful….
On to happier topics: my shower was beautiful!! My sister did a great job. The turnout was incredible. It was a bright sunny day and was at a pretty restaurant. We had the place to ourselves as they only open at dinner time. The food was delicious. Ironically, the restaurant was across the street from the infertility therapist I saw briefly this past winter after miscarriage #2. I just laughed.. I had no idea it was across the street since I had never been to the restaurant before. I only told one friend that as we walked in (my friend from TX who drove me to the shower) We got tons and tons of stuff. I cried reading some very special notes in the cards. My sister–who I don’t usually think of as emotional– started to cry when she gave a speech. My mom is an avid and very talented quilter. She made each baby a gorgeous quilt. It was an amazing day!!
I’ve been nesting and trying to organize all the baby gear. DH and I bought the cribs and dressers last Thursday. We decided to go to Ikea and not spend a fortune on stuff they won’t use for too long. DH has to put everything together but we aren’t doing that until next month. We are still waiting for the sleeper sofa to come in before we can remove the other queen bed that is in the nursery which DH is sleeping in..
A few of you have asked for a bump photo. I really don’t want to post any because I promised a while back there would be no ultrasound photos etc. in case anyone still in treatment was actually reading this. I know I hated seeing that stuff before.
I am definitely slowing down. My belly is really hard and tight. Walking hurts. I need to only do one or two errands per day and not 5. Today’s chore is vacuuming. Anything else is extra. But it’s hard to not do stuff on my list since I know it will just get worse in the next 7 weeks….
ETA: oh yeah, we took an infant care class on Saturday. It was “ok”. Some annoyances: they just assume everyone can breastfeed and there was zero coverage on bottle feeding, the choices of formula etc… Also, it seems the rules change every day. This class said no swaddling at night(huh?), no rectal thermometers, no nasal aspirators and that the babies must sleep in your room for 6 mos. they make you feel like you are killing your baby if you don’t follow these rules… I guess I just need to pick and chose and use my best judgment..